Monday, June 9, 2014

My Hair Does Not Defy Me .........

On June 4 my brave and strong girl headed to the OR yet again for another cranial surgery...her 12th surgery.... this would be the biggest surgery to date.

I should warn you now... I am not a writer and not always the greatest with finding the right words to use - never a strong suit of mine. But I will try... bare with me... ha ha

As a parent, you know how difficult it is to see your child sick or in any kind of pain AND your wish as a parent is to want to take their place. If it was possible, I would take her place in an instant - but I can't, it is not possible and it eats at me all the time. I will admit at times I feel like a failure as a parent because I am not able to take away all her pain, I cannot always make her feel better and I cannot prevent the surgeries. I am always thinking of ways and doing things to make a little difference in her life, to make things easier, to make her feel like she is not alone, to ease her pain etc. So this time, we planned a little something together... it was our secret... no one else knew.... not even my husband (her dad).
I felt strongly that I needed this documented to add to the "Londyn's Journey" book and at this point I was still without either one of my cameras and this deserved more than a few cell phone images (which I do not do in the first place) So I needed some help, sheesh, I had to ask for help.... never an easy task for me BUT this was for my daughter... I had no problems stepping out of my comfort zone. So the first person that came to mind to help/support me was the amazing kind and caring, loveable Jenn of Jenn Lambert Photography. She is one of the kindest most compassionate people with the biggest heart, the kind of person I needed with me during this very emotional and difficult day. I knew that she would do this out of love and genuine care and support - without any hesitation she said she would be there.

Once Londyn and I shared kisses and see you later hugs - she drove herself to the operating room in a shiny red corvette power wheels - I set off on my mission and went to meet Jenn whom was waiting for me downstairs.

 My amazing girl in the corvette... she LOVES to drive herself to the OR in this car... she skips through the doors and says, "I have the need for speed" It is the sweetest thing coming from her gentle wee voice.

We headed upstairs to the salon in the hospital for my appointment..... it was time.... with my daughter close to my heart and the best support by my side, I sat in the chair - I was as calm and collected as I could be - thinking of Londyn's infectious smile, I was ready to loose my hair. I felt it was the least I could do to support my daughter whom would be loosing her head of beautiful platinum blonde hair. The one and only thing that truly bothers her about the surgery.

Londyn supported the idea... I had to check with her first because last year when I wanted to do this, it upset her - she did not want me to look like her - she thought she looked ugly (talk about shatter my heart) She will also be the most beautiful soul with or without her hair.

So with her support and approval, once I was able to see her in recovery, hold her in my arms and smother her with hugs and kisses -  we would look at each other for the first time together in the mirror as "bald beauties". Just talking about it, we were so excited and looking forward to embracing life as two bald girls on a mission to show people that our hair does not defy who we are !

Now, I DID NOT do this for attention, to be looked at as hero or mother of the year. I did it solely for my daughter... a simple gesture, a loving act from a mother to her daughter to help make her feel better, lift her spirits because she would not be the only bald girl. I so wish I could have done more, I always wish there was more I could do but this time, that is all I could do and I had the hair to do it.

So without any further delay... below are a couple of the images Jenn captured.......

Moi, in the chair - smiling because this is what Londyn would want me to be doing. I was so ready. The stylist even asked me if I was sure... absolutely, without a doubt, I was more than sure and ready - this was for my daughter and I would do anything in the world for her - for all of my children. Let's get r' done -  it is only hair.

Still smiling, it is coming off.... it felt good. My heart was singing and FULL of love. Had Londyn been there, I know she would have been cheering me on, dancing and smiling and telling me I look beautiful.

Striking a pose.. it is gone. I love it - my heart is full. Struggling with holding the emotions in and keeping it together... I am smiling for my Londyn and the thought of getting to hold her, hear her sweet voice and see her beautiful smile is keeping me strong.

Miss Jenn and I captured by the stylist. Gosh I love this gal...... my cheer leader for an hour - a friend always and a supporter I can count on, no matter what.... because of her I have hope for humanity. I will treasure this moment always and be forever grateful. xo

BTW - The ear to ear smile on Londyns face and sparkle in her eyes when she saw we were the same, is something I will never ever forget. She temporarily forgot about the pain and the events of just having surgery... if it means that I can make her comfortable and smile and forget about her discomforts, even if temporary by shaving my head, then I will do it over and over and over again ! 

Thank you to all the prayer warriors out there whom are always thinking of, praying for and sending sweet messages and offerings to my princess. I wish there was something more I could do than always saying Thank You, to really show you all how very much this means to me, means to her, means to my family... I will never ever forget your love and kindness.

Stayed tuned for Part 2..........My Life as a "Different" Person ! I decided to make another post due to the fact that now I am bald (to many people I am now different, I do not look normal) and in such a short time I have not always been treated like a person.... my heart is so sad, that people can be so cruel and are not accepting of all people because they are not what society deems normal or perfect. 

As always, have a blessed day and no matter what you find yourself doing... Make It Count !!

Much love always,